Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
