Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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