you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
