Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
