actually, I'm a sock model
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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