who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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