Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
