Where is the hickey?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
