Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
