end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
