i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
