My room smells like vodka and shame
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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