Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
