I am in a vortex of obligation.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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