i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
