I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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