i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
