I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
