I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
