DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
