Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
