I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
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I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
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And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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