I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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