just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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