2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
