Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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