so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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