I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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