where am i from again
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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