Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
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