WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
