He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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