dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You dont lie about slip and slides
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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