You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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