I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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