Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
