she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
