It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
