recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
