I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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