My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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