omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
