Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
