How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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