I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
