You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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