I cut my penus on the lid.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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