I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
