where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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