and my herpes radar will keep us safe
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
