That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
