Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Randomize
