I think i peed on brittanys purse
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
