You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
