I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
