There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
And then my night got REAL pukey
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
