Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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