Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
are you so shy because you have an std?
i will never coherently bang her
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
