Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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