where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
