Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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