I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
