Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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