2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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