I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
