wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
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