Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Randomize
