Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
