I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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