Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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