You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
