I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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