Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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