If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
