Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
