I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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