Screwed.edu
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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