He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
