She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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