Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
