She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
