he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
someone owes me an orgasm
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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