I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
