who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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