I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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