wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
