The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
