even my farts smell like vagina
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
