Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
